So, I was in a bit of a funk today, because God is confronting me about some stuff in my life, and I'm feeling very decisively that I don't want to do what's right (and incredibly scary for me). So this morning was spent avoiding doing anything of consequence, and generally sulking. It was only upon hearing an amazing song by Casting Crowns this afternoon that I started to realize what the issue was.
My relationship with my family is definitely strange, and sometimes even a little unhealthy, and God has been calling me on that lately, and it was upon hearing the song "Somewhere in the Middle" today that I realized how apt that is for me. Unfortunately for my state of mind, the first verse I always think of in conjunction with God and the middle is from Revelations where it says "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth" (Rev. 3:15-16 NIV).
It's not a pretty picture. One of my worst traits is not wanting to risk something by committing myself, and here is God, saying that it's better to be strongly opposed to him than to be lukewarm.
Thankfully for my mental state, this is where God entered in. I think that it was He who brought to mind the story of Jesus walking on water. this is the one where the disciples are on a boat, and Jesus walks across the water to them. While he is still coming towards them, they have a panic attack, mistaking him for a ghost, and when he identifies himself, Peter dares Jesus to call Peter himself out onto the water. And when Jesus does, Peter goes.
What amazing faith! When doubt comes about Jesus' identity, Peter's first thought is for the amazing things that Jesus can do. He knows that he can trust Jesus with his life in absolutely crazy circumstances, knows that only Jesus could do these things. And then when Jesus calls Peter steps out onto water with enough faith that it stays solid below him. This is definitely among the top demonstrations of faith in the bible.
Except that, then, Peter begins to sink. A few lines later, Jesus identifies the cause of the problem as doubt, and I can completely identify. i know in my head everything I've been taught about Jesus' perfect and good plan for me and the world and the Church, but sometimes, it feels like the rest of me is on rebellion. And Peter must have felt that way, too. But even in this time of stress, when Jesus has just invited him onto the apparently-precarious waves, Peter calls out for help from his Lord.
And Jesus saves him. Jesus pulls Peter out of the waves, scolds him for his doubt, and brings him back to the safety of the boat. And isn't that what he does with us? He didn't wait for Peter to have faith in him again before he saves him. "Immediately" after Peter called out, Jesus was there, explaining what went wrong and helping Peter fix it. And this is why I love Peter. Because God used him so that generation after generation of humans would know his compassion. God used Peter to show us His love.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Isaiah and Me
Miraculously, I'm back the next day, and I've got more I've been thinking about. It starts with a passage in Isaiah, which was brought to my attention recently (by an infomercial, of all things!). It's Isaiah 58:6-7, which is talking about fasting. (By the way, if you like this passage, please go look up more about it, because what I'm talking about isn't even the coolest part of the verse.) God says:
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
And I don't know what this meant specifically for the Israelites, but I read that, and the first thing I think of is what a fantastic vision that is for the world, and how much I want to live in that world. And the second thing I think of is that I'm supposed to be making that world a reality. And I've got some issues with that.
Because that sounds like a huge mission to a girl who can't manage to study for her only summer class on time. Loose the ties of injustice?!? Not happening this century. Except that I know that there are other people who are supposed to help me in all of this, that I haven't been left with the mission all by myself, that I'm only required to do a small piece. But even if I'm only supposed to deal with my small part, I'm still not sure I can handle it, because most days, I don't think I can handle being a part of my family, let alone loosing the ties of injustice in it. I love my family (and I try to mean that in the biblical sense as well as the mushy-feeling sense), but I don't feel anywhere near strong enough to make it a functioning, pleasing-to-God family. Thankfully, I'm not alone there, either. There are a people who are called to help empower me, and to help make my family less broken, and whom I am called to be a part of, and they're called the Church. As someone really smart recently said, "God loves the church," and trying to live up to Isaiah 58, trying to feed the hungry and break every yoke, trying to be like Jesus, starts with loving and becoming part of the church.
Of course, it's not as simple as all that, because the church is made up of people that we may or may not like, or agree with, or even think are sane. But God loves her anyways, and the only way to follow his plan for the world is to feed her and be nourished by her. And the most wonderful thing about the church being so diverse that it makes you want to scream is that there is always someone in it who can help you with your problem. Because God made us each unique and each for a purpose. And for me, that means that my biggest job is to love the church, and let God take care of the rest.
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
And I don't know what this meant specifically for the Israelites, but I read that, and the first thing I think of is what a fantastic vision that is for the world, and how much I want to live in that world. And the second thing I think of is that I'm supposed to be making that world a reality. And I've got some issues with that.
Because that sounds like a huge mission to a girl who can't manage to study for her only summer class on time. Loose the ties of injustice?!? Not happening this century. Except that I know that there are other people who are supposed to help me in all of this, that I haven't been left with the mission all by myself, that I'm only required to do a small piece. But even if I'm only supposed to deal with my small part, I'm still not sure I can handle it, because most days, I don't think I can handle being a part of my family, let alone loosing the ties of injustice in it. I love my family (and I try to mean that in the biblical sense as well as the mushy-feeling sense), but I don't feel anywhere near strong enough to make it a functioning, pleasing-to-God family. Thankfully, I'm not alone there, either. There are a people who are called to help empower me, and to help make my family less broken, and whom I am called to be a part of, and they're called the Church. As someone really smart recently said, "God loves the church," and trying to live up to Isaiah 58, trying to feed the hungry and break every yoke, trying to be like Jesus, starts with loving and becoming part of the church.
Of course, it's not as simple as all that, because the church is made up of people that we may or may not like, or agree with, or even think are sane. But God loves her anyways, and the only way to follow his plan for the world is to feed her and be nourished by her. And the most wonderful thing about the church being so diverse that it makes you want to scream is that there is always someone in it who can help you with your problem. Because God made us each unique and each for a purpose. And for me, that means that my biggest job is to love the church, and let God take care of the rest.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
It's been a very long time since I've posted something to this blog, and an even longer time since I wrote something specifically for it, but it's a night of endings in my Christian walk, so maybe it can be one of new beginnings also. Yeah, not likely.
Either way, there are so many thoughts buzzing around my head that I would feel like I had wasted something if I went to sleep without writing about something. Like purity.
I'm pretty sure that purity of body begins with purity of mind (a concept which, for me, started with an amazing Passion talk by Beth Moore), but what I'm beginning to understand is how vital it is. To me, purity of any kind has been simply a word thrown around that was never defined, meant little, and honestly, didn't have a whole lot to do with my life. I tried to be good, and kind, and (usually) honest, and a whole host of other things, but I never particularly thought about purity, one way or the other.
Anyways, I still don't have a definition for purity, and I do not feel up to the task of making one. But I do have some idea of what it isn't and I know some of the ramifications it has on my life.
I know now that purity won't usually be found on television, because purity doesn't sell. In fact, I find it very hard to find any t.v. show that is pure because t.v. (excepting reality t.v. and soaps) usually portrays real life and...
Real life isn't pure. Our friends (Christian and not) say impure things all the time. It can be because we are human and make mistakes, because we care more about our image than about God, even because we don't care about God at all, and we certainly don't value purity. In fact, thinking about it, nothing is pure except God. So... where does that leave us?
I have no idea. Because I like my friends and my family (who are also impure) and my t.v. shows and I even like being the person who cracks the funny joke that is just a little too off-color. But when I'm thinking clearly, (which I admit I often am not) I know how much more important God is. And the worst thing about impurity is that it clouds our minds and keeps us from looking rightly at God. And God (you might have guessed) is the most important thing in the world. More important than everything else on the list, because family and friends and happiness turn to acid if they aren't backed by God.
So, I don't think I have it in me to denounce everything impure tomorrow. (Make that I know I don't have it.) But one of the great things about God is that if you knock, the door will be opened. So I will be knocking on the door of purity tonight and tomorrow and (hopefully) the day after. And maybe I'll even remember to write in this blog again this year. Who knows?
Either way, there are so many thoughts buzzing around my head that I would feel like I had wasted something if I went to sleep without writing about something. Like purity.
I'm pretty sure that purity of body begins with purity of mind (a concept which, for me, started with an amazing Passion talk by Beth Moore), but what I'm beginning to understand is how vital it is. To me, purity of any kind has been simply a word thrown around that was never defined, meant little, and honestly, didn't have a whole lot to do with my life. I tried to be good, and kind, and (usually) honest, and a whole host of other things, but I never particularly thought about purity, one way or the other.
Anyways, I still don't have a definition for purity, and I do not feel up to the task of making one. But I do have some idea of what it isn't and I know some of the ramifications it has on my life.
I know now that purity won't usually be found on television, because purity doesn't sell. In fact, I find it very hard to find any t.v. show that is pure because t.v. (excepting reality t.v. and soaps) usually portrays real life and...
Real life isn't pure. Our friends (Christian and not) say impure things all the time. It can be because we are human and make mistakes, because we care more about our image than about God, even because we don't care about God at all, and we certainly don't value purity. In fact, thinking about it, nothing is pure except God. So... where does that leave us?
I have no idea. Because I like my friends and my family (who are also impure) and my t.v. shows and I even like being the person who cracks the funny joke that is just a little too off-color. But when I'm thinking clearly, (which I admit I often am not) I know how much more important God is. And the worst thing about impurity is that it clouds our minds and keeps us from looking rightly at God. And God (you might have guessed) is the most important thing in the world. More important than everything else on the list, because family and friends and happiness turn to acid if they aren't backed by God.
So, I don't think I have it in me to denounce everything impure tomorrow. (Make that I know I don't have it.) But one of the great things about God is that if you knock, the door will be opened. So I will be knocking on the door of purity tonight and tomorrow and (hopefully) the day after. And maybe I'll even remember to write in this blog again this year. Who knows?
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