Waiting II

I sit here staring at a computer waiting for words to come like they did last time. Why won’t they come? I am less in need now than then but if anything my lack of pain, the fact that there is not a knot in me, should not keep me from you and from expressing what I am feeling. Since when does being lukewarm get you nowhere? Oh. I guess you weren’t messing around when you told us the kingdom of heaven isn’t like earth. We see it through brown-colored glasses; the color of earth, because we know no other way to see. These glasses, they were attached at birth and we have yet to realize they are there. You have majesty in your hands for us and all we see is Earth. You show us yourself and we turn away. When did the creation become more interesting than the creator? When did Earth become the destination instead of the journey? Why am I sitting here, staring at a computer? It is not worthy of God, but even though I know that, I am no closer to figuring out why. I am no closer to you, and I’m not sure what to do about it. Because to be perfectly honest, whipping up some feelings, either end of passionate- it’s getting pretty old and I don’t know what I’ll do when it starts to get holes in it.

Waiting

If I look outside my window tonight, and you are there, would I come? If I found a note you had left, hidden in a pile of books so long disregarded that people now tend to avoid them, would I rush to that secret meeting place? You are never far away, you promise, and I know that I believe you, but then, I’m not quite so sure I believe myself. And when you ask me these questions, I’m inclined to avoid your gaze because you’re a little too on the ball tonight, and I had hoped not to answer for another decade or so. I love you, I promise, but there are things I’ve promised here, too, and obligations back inside my room. I know you’ve risked it all to come here for me. I know I owe you no less than my life, and you can have it, but not yet. Just give me a day, a year, two, to figure these things out. When I am no longer needed here, when I no longer need this place, I’ll come and follow your lead always. You can wait that long, right?