Lord, thank you that I am so crazy. Sometimes, in the middle of criticizing myself for all the ways I'm different, I forget to be thankful for the amazing ways it's allowed me to connect with the people I know and the world around me.

For instance, I was talking with a friend the other day, and she said something (I don't remember what now), but it made me think that she thought I was better than her, specifically better morally or emotionally. She seemed to think that I was nicer, smarter, more in-control, and generally more put together than she was. And I praise God because of the crazy way He's made me.

The fact is, I come from a weird home. Not the good weird, either. My mother and father split when I was about nine. I'm blessed that I've never grieved their splitting, but I still remember telling my mom, "I'm just glad you're not fighting any more." My dad has always yelled, and my mother has always cried. She has clinical depression with a side helping of anxiety and seasonal affective disorder, and as a kid, I felt a responsibility towards her. (I still do, but that's another story.) Long story short, I had an interesting upbringing, including a few nights of homelessness, a few months of boarding at someone's house, and a year and a half where I was raised by my twenty-one-year-old sister.

Our family is the definition of work-in-progress. But I don't share this with everyone I know, and sometimes people don't realize that I've had as many bumps in the road as I have. Sometimes I look around and realize that people think of me as that girl, the one who's got everything under control and figured out. When my friend (back to the original story now) expressed her beliefs about me, I detailed for her a few of the ways I am still an emotional wreck on a daily basis. And I praise god that he's allowed me to do this.

Because when I was little, I wanted to stand out, always, in every way. As I got older, I wanted to stand out less and I wanted normality more. I didn't even realize how desperately until I came to college. I am now in the process of accepting that I am not normal. Even more, I am in the process of accepting that no one is normal. Everyone has an idealized version of normal, but if I ever meet someone who truly is normal, with no hang-ups, insecurities, or fears, you can just put me in a diaper and have the twos start teaching me. Long story short, God has given me the experience to know insecurity when I see it, and the courage to speak out against it. And for that, I praise Him. God's given me a lot, but I am constantly learning just how much.